I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize