I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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