Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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