Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
