turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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