In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
