Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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