everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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