Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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