So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize