The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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