I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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