Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
