last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
