Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
