Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I did not marry a roomba.
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