I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
