I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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