I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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