I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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