i think my tv is drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
