Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize