all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
