i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
