My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
