I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
