Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize