i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
