Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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