the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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