just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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