Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
