I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
