four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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