At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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