My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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