So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
