I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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