Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
