Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
