I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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