Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
