I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we made out on top of his cat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
