He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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