Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
COCAINE IS GR8
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
