his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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