I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you traded sex for a burrito?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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