If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
