After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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