I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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