Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
