if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
