Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
