just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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