why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
