Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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