member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
