I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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