Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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