Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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