yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize