the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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