My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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