I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
