I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
