I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
