Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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