Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As shirtless as possible
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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