i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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