The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
