My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
