We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
