I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
