If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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