So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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