someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
