i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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